I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lamp stand from its place. — Revelation 2:2-5
Right now, I believe WMD is a lamp stand. I get so many e-mails from people and have so many conversations about these messages that I absolutely know that God is using them for His glory. I have been reading some of the older ones on my web-site and learning a lot myself. Sometimes I can’t believe those words came out of me. Other times I can’t believe how I put my whole life on display for the world to read. Then, I remember how this life is no longer mine, it is God’s…I gave it to Him. Therefore, He can put it on display if He wishes.
With that being said, I am going to stop writing WMD for a little while. I read these verses in Revelation and I am in danger. No, I haven’t forsaken my love for the Lord, but I am headed there. Somehow, I am getting caught up in doing things for God instead of doing things because they flow out of my love for Him. I am persevering, I am doing good things, working hard, and trying my best to reverse the curse on some wicked people. So far, I haven’t grown weary. But, I can’t ingnore the fact that this verse asks me to consider how I have fallen because I have forsaken the love I had at first.
At first, I could not get enough of the Bible…I devoured it. Now, I am kind of dutifully reading it and saying “that’s nice” and “I could write a good WMD about that.” I am going to church, but I’m being more critical of everything and everyone…even myself. When I was in love, I didn’t care what anyone else did…I was able to block everything out and focus on just Him and me. It is still a wonderful environment to do just that…so why am I not doing it? Maybe I have forsaken the love I had at first.
I don’t want to be just a hearer of the word, I want to be a doer. I have got to repent before the Lord (and I guess in front of all of you) and get back to the things I did at first. I used to write in a journal. I guess that is really how The Lord taught me to write a WMD. It was just me pouring my heart out to God. When that journal filled up, I just never bought a new one…I stopped. I want to get back to that because that was what I did at first. I used to drive 3 hours to see my favorite preachers because I was in love. I guess I just have some stuff to figure out. I don’t want to be “manufacturing” WMDs while I am going through this process. I could still write them, but only because I felt like I was “supposed to”, not because they are flowing out of a right relationship with God.
Anyway, I don’t know how long this “shutdown” will last….hopefully less than the government’s did. I do encourage you to examine your own love for God. Do you do things for Him because you are supposed to? Or, do you do things for Him because you love Him and genuinely want to? Right now, I feel like I love Him with most of my heart, most of my soul, and most of my mind. But, I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord. I am ruined for mediocre Christianity. When things are firing on all cylinders, there is no greater feeling than being constantly led by Him and having Him repeatedly place His Holy Presence upon you. I really want to find that place again. Fortunately, He gave me the recipe…
Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do things you did at first.
Lord, show me how to relearn love.
Until next time,