So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. – Genesis 2:21
I didn’t meet my wife until I was 24 years old. On February 26 of the year 2000, Tonya and I went on our very first date. Up until that time, there were certainly some similarities between the Biblical Adam and me. Bible Adam saw that all the animals were paired up . . . they had a match. He quickly realized that he didn’t have a match. I remember only focusing on what I didn’t have. My friends were getting married and it seemed a constant reminder that I was alone. Would I be alone forever? Was I one of the ones God wanted to be alone?
Probably the worst thing this attitude does is make you come across as needy. As long as this neediness prevails, you will be a disaster to your new relationship. I look back on some of my relationships and see just how needy I must have seemed to them. No wonder they ran. I can also look back and see how this worked the other way. Some girls I knew I would never settle down with because of some glaring red flag that God must have been highlighting as if to say, “not the one I made for you.”
Genesis 2:21 says God took something out of Adam’s side before He introduced him to Eve. For me, God had me go through a yearlong process of not dating anyone. As soon as I committed to that, I had more opportunities to date than I ever could have imagined. But, I wanted to be obedient to God.
The “surgery” performed on me was successful. At the end of that year God changed me. I wouldn’t say that I wasn’t needy at all, but I was WAY less needy. I no longer needed a relationship to define who I was. In fact, I learned to enjoy being at home by myself and just spending time with God and the Bible. I realized that God had performed major surgery on me and took out a cancer that would have been devastating to a marriage.
Could you imagine if I had bought into Hollywood’s definition of love and looked for Tonya to “complete me?” No significant other will ever hold up to that kind of pressure or live up to that kind of standard . . . not in the long run. I don’t want Tonya to “need” me in order for her to be happy. I want her to find her fulfillment in God alone. I want Him to be all that she needs. Then, if I am doing the same, she and I are set for life. We will see each other as a gift from God and we will appreciate the gift and certainly take great care of it.
No matter what stage of life you are in, find your fulfillment in God alone. I wish I had done this from the time I was saved at 16 years old until the time I met Tonya. I wasted a lot of time trying to do things the world’s way. Do not do the same.
Happy Valentine’s Day