Thus saith the Lord unto you, “Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” – 2 Chronicles 20:15
This past Sunday I preached a sermon about being in God’s presence, Him being my rock and my salvation, and Him being my strength; therefore there is no way I will be afraid. Well, ever since then, I have had a horrible spiritual attack. I keep hearing this voice in my head, “See, you don’t even believe what you preach . . . How could you possibly teach it to others.” Like I always seem to do, I let this evil spirit beat me up for a bit. I felt helpless and powerless. All I did for the past couple of days is say in my head over and over, “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?” (Psalm 27:1) I didn’t feel it in my body, but I figured if I said it enough I could convince it. It took a dear friend praying for me just a little bit ago to make it all go away and help me feel like I was back in my right mind.
I have some serious battles going on right now. I don’t say this for you to feel sorry for me at all . . . I guarantee you have your own battles. I just feel like I’ve handled them the worst I ever have. I’m worrying about them. I’m handing them to God and then taking them right back. I’ve felt hopeless, which is certainly something I’m not used to feeling.
Here is what is going through my mind right now: What if I really believed the battle was God’s? The problem is that right now, I obviously don’t. If I did, I would not be spending all this energy worrying and thinking the worst. 2 Chronicles 20:15 just screams at me right now. In the midst of this battle, I should be at rest. I should be enjoying God. I should be seated and calm while my God fights for me. That’s the way I’d be if I really believed the battle was His.
Lord, I don’t know what is wrong with me right now. I’m afraid. I usually have such confidence in you, my King! Will you give me once again that peace that passes all understanding? Will you give me that same Spirit that those guys in Foxe’s Book of Martyrs had? They were being tortured and even burned alive, but they were simply basking in and enjoying Your Presence! You would not give men the satisfaction of knowing that they were harming your anointed, for the battle was yours. You are the same yesterday, today, and forever. Do not give evil the satisfaction of knowing they are harming me. Help me abide in you! It may feel like I’m surrounded, but I’m surrounded by you! Help me not be afraid or dismayed, for the battle is not mine, but yours.
(P.S. I promise I’m ok. In my mind, I am turning some molehills into mountains . . . I’m used to doing the reverse.)