Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. – Psalm 73:24
For some messed up reason, I’ve gone back into this really strange “I must work for God” mode. I don’t know how or when it happens, but a lot of time seems to go by before I realize that it has happened. Of course, there is nothing wrong with working for God, but it can and often does lead to this place where there is no real joy in Him. This is where I find myself this morning.
Lately I’ve been listening to preachers who have really stressed the importance of praying over these next few months. Therefore, I’ve tried to really up my prayer game. I’d go on my prayer walks, kneel in my favorite room, pray while driving my bus route, and basically pray anytime I could grab a spare moment. Without realizing it, I treated most of my opportunities like I was about to do a workout in the gym. I walked into prayer with my sleeves rolled up and ready to work. What was the result? There was absolutely no enjoyment in prayer.
Between Covid-19 and not being a pastor anymore, I’ve just felt kind of lost lately. I’ve been wandering in the wilderness looking this way and that wondering where He wants me to go. For some reason, I feel like I have to find it quickly . . . I realize sitting here this morning that I do not. I can take a deep breath and simply picture myself resting in Him, knowing He has me right where He wants me. My prayers can turn back to so simple:
Lord, you have been leading me and guiding me ever since I gave my life to you as a 16-year old kid. You have guided me with your counsel. I come back to you now with that same kind of belief I had when I was young. I don’t want to complicate all of this. Help me to want to get alone with you and just enjoy you. I don’t want to feel like I’m going to work when I draw near to you for that is certainly the opposite of resting in you. Thank you for always pulling me back when I get too far ahead. Thank you for always catching me up when I’m lagging so far behind. You always keep me in just the right place at just the right time. Please keep leading me by your great counsel, and I look so forward to that great and glorious day when you receive me into glory.