But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.  – Hebrews 11:6

When I began my faith journey, I certainly believed that God existed.  This verse plainly says that this is a requirement for coming to Him.  I came to Jesus purely because I did not want to go to hell.  I believed that God existed, and without Him you don’t get into heaven.  This led me to halfheartedly do things for Him every once in a while.  At best, I would “tip” Him occasionally, and think I was doing something awesome.

A few years later, I would read the Bible for myself.  I realized that God was exceedingly good and wanted the best for me.  I found myself trying new things out of a sense of obedience.  I would say that the first several things that I did simply because I felt like God asked me to resulted in this trust relationship that I never thought was possible.  I didn’t know it at the time, but God had become a rewarder of me simply because I diligently sought Him.  

I realize that the Christian life has its ups and downs . . . just like any life.  Right now, I’m on the downside.  Not because there is anything horribly wrong, but because I realize that I’ve made a big mistake.  For some time, I don’t know how long, I have changed this verse up a little bit.  My version reads like this, “and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently do things for him.”  I have been doing a lot of things for him lately, but I haven’t done a lot of seeking Him.  I even wonder if I’m typing this out because I love Him, or out of some sense of obligation.  

I went outside last night to burn some boxes.  I sat next to the fire and just watched the flames.  It was as peaceful as I’ve felt in a long time.  I simply said, “God, you are so good.”  It was like in my mind I could see Jesus walk over to me and sit next to me.  We didn’t say anything to each other.  We just sat as peacefully as one can possibly sit.  

Lord, help me get this right.  I want to get back to the simple art of hanging out with You.  I’m doing things for You that You aren’t asking me to do . . . no wonder my peace is gone.  But even as I type this prayer, I feel Your presence and just want to hang out there.  It seems like so long ago that this was the pure motivation of my life . . . to get into Your presence and stay there for as long as possible.  Lord, there is and never will be another like You.  I don’t really know what to pray right now.  Will You search my heart?  If there is anything that does not belong, will You reveal it to me?  Will You lead me to true repentance?  Will You fill me with life, and life more abundantly?  Amen