Wednesday Morning Devotional

Who Gets a Pass?
For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil. — Ecclesiastes 12:14

I love having good, objective, religious conversations. I’m talking conversations when people are being completely open and honest about what they believe. My favorite comes from talking with other believers about how God is working in their lives. I draw encouragement and strength as I hear the wonderful things God is doing in the hearts and lives of others. Unfortunately, a lot of Christians will only have religious conversations with other believers. It can be very difficult to engage someone who is anti-God in a religious conversation. I have had a few. I want to write today about something I have learned through these conversations.

The number one reason people oppose the God of the Bible deals with His goodness. They say “If God is so powerful, so loving, and so caring, why is there evil in the world?” In my minimal experience, the conversation always takes a turn down this road. It is a good question. Ponder that for a moment before reading on. If God is so powerful, why are there helpless six year old boys and girls being rented out to adults in the sex trafficking trade? I know that sounds like an awful thing to put in a WMD, but if you ever engage someone who hates the God you love in a conversation, this kind of question is coming. How would you answer such a question?

In wrestling with this, I came across Ecclesiastes 12:14. What if the person who calls the goodness of God into question could insert their name here for God? For Adam will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil. The fact of the matter is, Adam doesn’t know what is inside a person’s heart . . . God does. Therefore, let’s pick this little verse apart.

1. For God will bring every deed into judgment . . . There is a future tense here. God will bring every deed into judgment. Upon breathing the last breath we will ever take, you and I have an appointment with God. Every deed will be examined. Whatever evil deed has been done by any person, that deed will be judged. Nobody gets away with anything.

2. Including every hidden thing . . . Is it possible that someone could read this devotional who has nothing hidden in their past that they are absolutely ashamed of? The truth is, I have things hidden that I hope stay hidden. I have done more than my share of evil things. I can only ask for the mercy and forgiveness of God, try to make things with those I’ve hurt as right as possible, and truly repent so I never go down that road again.

3. Whether it is good or evil . . . I don’t know the good things you have done in your past. I don’t know the evil things either. Honestly, I’m glad I’m not responsible for that kind of knowledge. God has it and knows what to do with it. If I did have it, I wouldn’t know what to do with it. I don’t know how to judge evil in light of eternity nor do I know how to reward goodness. God does.

Yes, evil exists in the world in varying degrees. Yes, evil deserves to be punished. But, consider this: If everyone dropped dead as soon as they did something evil, would you still be alive right now?

I wouldn’t.

Therefore, if we were going to eradicate all evil in the world right now, who gets a pass? Better yet, who gets to decide who gets a pass? Would you want that responsibility? Could you honestly give yourself a pass?

I couldn’t.

In light of all of this, I choose mercy at the cross. I choose to submit myself to the God who will make these judgments. You may be reading this and have an awful past, but through Christ, you can have an unbelievably bright future. He knows how to remove sin. He knows how to change hearts. He does this for anyone who submits themselves to Him and His ways. He has never and will never use force to make anyone submit to Him. I write today in hopes that someone who does not know Him will begin a new walk with Him.

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him. — Psalm 34:8

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. — Ecclesiastes 12:13

Later

Adam

Choosing to Love the Unlovable

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. — Luke 6:35

Some things in the Bible are hard to understand, especially as a beginning Christian. This scripture is one of them. In Luke 6, Jesus says we should do good to people who do not appreciate our goodness. We should actually show love to our enemies. We should loan to people we know won’t pay us back. We should just give our stuff to people when they ask for it and not demand it back when they don‘t return it. Jesus says even sinners do things for people they know they can trust. As His followers, we don’t get to be like everybody else. We are to purposefully show love to those we don’t even like.

This has to be the hardest thing in the world. Several years ago, a few of the teachers at my school discussed this from an educational perspective. We concluded that this tells us as teachers that we should give our best to the students that we wish we could kick right on out of our classes. Every teacher likes to teach the “good” kids. Jesus would say “even sinners love to teach the good kids.” However, we as followers of Jesus must treat the “bad” students the same as the good. In most cases this will require extra effort and time on our part. If you are like me, you say “why in the world would I want to do that when I know it won’t help?” Those kids won’t do the work. It won’t make a difference. They won’t pay attention. They won’t care. They won’t __________. Why should we do this when we know we probably won’t get anything in return?

Here are three reasons:

1. God just might intervene and use us as the tool that gets one or more of “those” kids back on track. We could be the ones that help them break free and do something with their lives. Maybe by the way we show that we care, we make them want to become good students and make something of themselves. Maybe they don’t recognize what we were doing until they are older and become parents. Maybe they choose to break the cycle of destruction in their own family line and their behavior stops with them and does not repeat for another generation. Maybe it is a future teacher down the road that reaps the reward of our work. If this happened with one out of a hundred kids, wouldn’t it be worth it?

2. We are the most like God when we do this. He gave His Son to die for us when we didn’t deserve it. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8). He gave us His best expecting no immediate gratification. In light of that . . . How can we not do the same for others and show the world what He is like?

3. He will REWARD us! In Luke 6:35 it says if we do this “your reward will be great.” I don’t know what this means as far as being rewarded down here or in Heaven when we get there, but I don’t really care either way. If someone takes from me and I can just let it go, or if I give and don’t expect anything in return, whatever God chooses to reward me with will be MUCH better than just getting back whatever it was that was taken from me in the first place. His rewards are ten thousand times better than man‘s rewards.

I know this is tough stuff. Just don’t think that because I’m writing this that I have it all together and do this perfectly. The only thing I’ve become really good at is recognizing that I failed to do it after the fact. But sometimes, and I mean sometimes, I get this right and it opens the door to the ultimate conversation. Eventually, somebody always asks “Why are you like this?” My answer is always the same . . .

Because the living Lord Jesus Christ . . . is like this to me!

Later

Adam

Angry Birds

The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. — Luke 15:28

The older brother was angry because his father was being “too good” to his younger brother who had squandered the money he previously demanded. In the older brother’s mind, his younger brother did not deserve the goodness of his father. He deserved to be disciplined. He deserved to be punished. The older brother was hoping for a show. He was hoping for an entertaining show in which his younger brother got what he deserved.

I sit here and ask myself “which of these two am I most like?” Am I the younger son who is just glad to be home in the Father’s house? Or, am I the older son who thinks that I deserve to be here because of how hard I’ve worked and how good I am?

Right now, I am most like the younger son. I must admit that I squandered my youth. I took some of the best years that God gave me and did nothing good with them. I probably have more cassette tapes at my parents’ house than any of you reading this. I squandered my money. I didn’t invest any of it for the future, and I certainly never thought of returning any of it to the God who gave me the means to earn it. There are people who have given 10% for as long as they can remember. How should they view someone like me who was saved and so selfish?

If there was one thing that I could undo about my past, I would have remained pure sexually until marriage. God gave me a very special gift . . . Purity. It was a very special thing that I was supposed to share with my wife, only my wife, after we got married. Guess what I did with that gift? I squandered it. I kept fragmenting myself and giving away such a valuable possession like it didn’t mean anything at all. There are people who did it right. They disciplined themselves and stayed away from certain places and drew lines that they refused to cross. How should they view someone like me who became a son of God when he was sixteen, then proceeded to treat His gifts with such contempt?

There are so many unmerciful servants of God, older brothers if you will, that it is difficult to realize that God is overjoyed that we are home. Keep in mind that I would not have been able to come home if I had simply said “I made a mistake,” or “I’m not perfect.” The words the father was looking for were the ones the younger son used. He said “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” If a sinner is willing to humble himself and truly repent, why wouldn’t other Christians be happy for them and join in the celebration?

Christians as a whole are kind of like the Angry Birds. We gravitate toward destroying those pigs. Unfortunately, in the process, we destroy ourselves . . . We separate ourselves from the Father and forget that his number one concern is for the lost to come home. The truth is, there are a lot of prodigals out there. By prodigal, I mean people who have become a part of God’s family by asking Him into their hearts, but are still slopping around inside the pigpen. I had a hard time leaving the pigpen after I became His Son. In a lot of ways, I still take a look around it. Praise God, I realize that The Father is 10,000 times better than any temporary pleasure I received in the pigpen. The desire to go back diminishes as the years go by, but Satan still tries to make it attractive every chance he gets.

I guess I say all that to ask this: Which type of Son or Daughter of God are you?

Are you the lost son with joy in your heart because The Father forgave you and received you?

Or, are you the older son who can’t stand to see God be good to those who don’t have it all figured it out yet?

The truth is . . . I can be both.

Lord, kill that older son spirit within me. I came from the pigpen. May I never think negatively on those who still wallow there. Give me the knowledge and wisdom to help lead them out. Grant me the heart to pray for them and never believe that I am above them and actually deserve the many blessings you have poured out on me. May you never have to plead with me to join the celebration.

Later

Adam

Desiring God

‘You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife; and you shall not desire your neighbor’s house, his field, his male servant, his female servant, his ox, his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.’ — Deuteronomy 5:21

What do you desire most in your life right now? For some reason, the tenth commandment has always seemed to me as kind of the weakest commandment. It almost sits there as a suggestion instead of a commandment. I’ve never heard anyone say “pray for me because I’m covetous. I’m desiring things that God does not want me to desire.” Honestly, I’ve never even really took notice of the word “desire” until today.

I just turned 39. Looking back over those years, my desires have changed a lot. Being an only child, I have always pretty much gotten what I wanted. I sure loved my “Granny” who I stayed with a lot during my single digit years. She made sure that she not only provided for my needs, but gave me just about every single one of my wants as well. If my heart desired it, she made it happen.

Around middle school I began to add to my desires. It went from material things to attention. I have no idea what happens when you transition from the elementary school building to the middle school building, but things change…BIG time. I had never cared if I was thought of as “popular” or “cool”, but all of a sudden, I did. The cool kids got the girls. The cool kids got all the attention. Therefore, that is what my heart desired.

From high school through college I pretty much desired to play sports, play music, play video games, and be with whichever girlfriend I was with as much as possible. When I wasn’t involved with one of these things, I would have told you I was bored. Not once did I ever think that I was full of covetousness and wrong desires. I perfectly broke the 10th commandment as written in Deuteronomy 5:21. “You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.“ I remember coveting my best friend’s wife when he got married (you know I wish that I had “Jesse’s Girl”…where can I find a woman like that?) “You shall not desire your neighbor’s house.“ I remember the days of wishing I was a millionaire and I could live in one of our local, upscale Cliff’s Communities and play golf on those awesome courses every day. I was a really covetous dude.

Just like most sins, it is really hard to see this in yourself. When I was greedy I would have never told you I was greedy because I could not see it in myself. When I was a liar, I usually believed my own lies. People that call other people “haters” are usually haters themselves. The person that gossips almost never thinks that they themselves are a gossiper. The person who covets doesn’t even know it. No wonder the Bible calls it “being deceived.”

I thank God that 23 years ago I accepted Christ into my heart. I guess now I am an “adult” Christian. In many ways I can see that is true, though I have a long, long way to go. My desires didn’t immediately change after I accepted Him. But, my heart was instantly made aware that I desired the wrong things. Whereas I didn’t care before if I had sex outside of marriage, my heart now told me “this is wrong.” Whereas I didn’t care before if I wasted my money, my heart now told me “this is wrong.” Whereas I didn’t’ care before if I wasted my days playing guitar, video games, watching TV, listening to music, etc…I now had God sitting in a Holy Bible next to my bed gently asking “when’s my time?”

Man, I have wasted so many of my 39 years. A few of you reading this wasted some of those years with me. I sure wish I could go back and just be obedient to Him. Even as a saved Christian, I rejected Him over and over. My heart desired stuff. I desired golf stuff, guitar stuff, entertainment stuff. My heart desired girls, money, and sex. But, at the same time, that is the very reason that I desire Him so much now. The whole time I was pursuing sin, He was loving me. He was fighting for my heart. The God of the Universe was chasing after me even though I was rejecting Him. What kind of love are we talking about when we talk about God’s love? It is absolutely beyond what my little mind can comprehend.

He is amazing!

Lord, with all my heart, I want to desire you. I want you to be my number one desire. Nobody can just decide to desire you. You have to place that desire within our hearts. Help us to taste just how good you are and see just how much you love us. Change our hearts so that you, Lord, become our number one desire.

Amen

O taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man that trusts in Him. — Psalm 34:8

Later

Adam

Motive

“For everyone looks out for their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.” — Philippians 2:21

On Tuesday, I will be 39 years old. It will be the only year that I can say “I’m 39” and it actually be true. Honestly, I haven’t cared at all about getting older, though others tell me that day is coming. I wish I knew the exact date of my spiritual birth. I know it was in June of 1991, I just don’t remember the day. Anyway, that means that sometime this month I will have been a Christian for 23 years.

Probably the most recurring spiritual conversation my wife and I have concerns motive. Why do we do what we do? Why do we pray? Why do we read the Bible? It is amazing that something as simple as reading the Word could be wrong. The Pharisees had it memorized, yet Jesus called them a “brood of vipers.” Their motive for every religious thing they did was self-exaltation. The most important factor in doing anything for God is the motive behind it. Everything must be done out of love.

In 23 years, my motives have been all over the place. I have gone to church because I knew a certain girl would be there. I have gone because of what was on the menu. I have gone because I knew there would be games and it would be fun. My motive for accepting Christ was Hell avoidance. I had no real intention of learning His Word and following it to the best of my abilities . . . I just didn’t want to go to Hell.

After living life my way for several years, I didn’t like where I ended up. I began to understand that my choices were roads that sometimes led to destinations I didn’t like. God began to speak to my heart about actually reading and learning His Word. My motive was simply to be obedient to that call. I spent the next 15 months reading the entire Bible. I don’t know how it happened, but I was different. God had changed my heart. It was wonderful!

Not too long after this, I became a Pharisee. I saw myself as better than other people because I had read the whole Bible. I was very quick to judge others of their sin while justifying my own. My motive was self-exaltation. The contrite and broken spirit that accompanies humility was nowhere to be found inside of my heart.

After a few years of this, everything came crashing down on me. I was plagued with guilt. All of a sudden, I realized that I had been using God. I began to go to church on Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. I took notes religiously. I studied the Word, read Christian books, and all I listened to was Christian music. My motive: to get God to like me. I knew I had done him absolutely wrong for years. I had used God, and I just didn’t know if I was forgivable.

Things never got better until I met my wife, Tonya. I confessed some things to her absolutely knowing that she was going to leave me after I did. Her forgiveness was instantaneous. In my heart, I realized that there was no way that she was more forgiving than God. So for the first time, I received God’s forgiveness. Why in the world had I carried all that guilt, sin, and condemnation around for all those years? I realized very quickly that I had been viewing Him wrong . . . Really wrong.

Ever since that day, I have loved God. This in no way means that I have done everything right or that I have never had any doubts. But, just as my heart fills up when one of my two kids jump on my lap, hug me, and say “I love you,” I realize that I have this same effect on My Heavenly Father. When I get up to spend time with Him, it isn’t so much to just read the Bible and pray . . . It is to be alone with Him. It is to jump up in His lap and say “I love you! Thank you so much for not leaving me like you found me!”

I hope I have another 39 years to love and serve Him. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Just like everyone else, I have an appointment with death and afterwards I will face judgment. On that day, my motives will be revealed. Until then, I choose to love Him and allow Him to love me back today. After all, today is a gift . . . That is why it is called the present.

Later

Adam

Still Standing

The rain came down, the stream rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. — Matthew 7:25

I was reading my last couple of WMDs. Yes, they sound a bit whiny and yes, they are words from a dude being turned every which way but loose. When you read this, the school year will be over and I will be enjoying the beginnings of Summer break. However, as I write this, there is still a lot of stress and a lot of pressure on my life. I hate storms. I hate real storms, but I really can’t stand spiritual storms. Through this last one, I have learned maybe the greatest lesson of my life . . .

I am built to last.

I’m not built to last because I’m a good person. I’m not built to last because I read the Bible and pray. I’m built to last because my foundation is on the Lord Jesus Christ. The rain did come down. I was wondering when it would stop. The streams did rise. I was wondering if they would carry me away. The winds did beat against me. I was wondering if I’d stand. Yet, here I am . . . Still standing.

The thing that I realize now is that I was under a spiritual attack. Looking back, my circumstances hadn’t changed as drastically as I had thought. Satan had just turned a small hill into a mountain. There was always that whisper in my mind “you will fail,” “you can’t do this,” blah, blah, blah. I knew those voices weren’t from God, but they still wouldn’t go away. All of this led to physical and spiritual exhaustion.

Seventeen years ago, I began to follow Jesus. My dream of being a rock-n-roll guitar god was buried six feet underground. My drinking and partying days got laid to rest. Equipped with nothing but the Holy Spirit, determination, an NIV Bible that my friend bought me 5 years previously, I set out on the narrow road that leads to life. I have to admit, that road was pretty lonely for a while. Those same voices talking to me these past few weeks were talking to me then as well. “Turn around,” “go back,” “it’s not worth it,” “nobody else is doing it,” blah, blah, blah.

I still don’t recognize those voices as quickly as I should, but I do think I am recognizing them more and more quickly. I type this today watching the clouds roll away. It’s like that beautiful ray of sunshine that you see through all of those violent looking clouds. You just have to stop and stare at it because the contrast is simply amazing.

I say all that to say this. If your house is built on the sand of temporary pleasures, you will fall when these storms come. Storms are inevitable. God built us who believe on His name with the storm in mind. I’m so glad I haven’t spent these last seventeen years like the prodigal son. He wasted all of his father’s resources on the life I thought I wanted to live two decades ago. The rains came down, the stream rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

My house is built on the sure foundation of Jesus Christ.

Where is yours built?

Later

Adam

Finding Favor

Now God had given the chief of staff both respect and affection for Daniel. — Daniel 1:9

Daniel had been forcefully removed from his family and more than likely saw his family killed by the Babylonians.

Where was God?

In just about every conversation I’ve had with a person who says they do not believe in God, it all comes down to this predicament: Evil exists, therefore, there cannot be a God . . . Any god worth his salt simply wouldn’t allow bad stuff to happen, especially bad stuff to them. Honestly, when bad stuff happens to me, I tend to have the reflex reaction of wondering where God is.

In Daniel chapter 1, God certainly could have kept Daniel’s family together. For that matter, He could have kept Daniel’s entire country together. Instead, after refusing to obey despite repeated warnings, Babylon took over Israel. It was complete defeat. The best of everything they had was plundered while the rest was completely and utterly destroyed.

Once again, Where was God?

Verse 9 tells us that God was giving the chief of staff respect and affection for Daniel. You see, we don’t realize just how big of a deal this was. If any other ungrateful exile had complained about the king’s food and drink, they would have been executed on the spot. Even the chief of staff was afraid of stepping the least bit out of line because he knew that it didn’t take much for the king to remove a head. It was clear that Daniel valued and loved God more than he loved and valued his own life.

I have to ask myself, do I?

Do you?

The truth is that this year has brought a lot of trials. At times, I feel like the weight of the world is on me. Repeatedly, I “come unto Him” and He gives me rest. Then, somehow, I pick every single one of those burdens right back up as my day progresses. Could God just magically keep me stress free? Of course He could. However, if He did that I wouldn’t get to see Him unmistakably work on my behalf. I would do like I always do and take my ease for granted which would turn into me taking Him and His provision for granted. Daniel went on to see great and mighty things. He saw God protect from fire. He saw God close the mouths of lions in the lion’s den. He easily read and interpreted writing from the mighty hand of God Himself.

I believe He is preparing me for the same, or at least similar. If I can just figure out how to take my eyes off of my circumstances and focus on Him, He will do for me what He did for Daniel. If I choose to live for Him and refuse to defile myself with the things of this world, I will find favor with the right people. Best of all . . .

I will see His mighty hand do great and mighty things in my life as well as the lives of others.

Later

Adam

Here I am

But Moses said “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.” — Exodus 4:13

I have had a rough couple of weeks. I have been on a bit of a roller coaster ride as far as my job (teaching job) has been concerned. I’m finding out the hard way that being a pastor is a lot tougher than it looks. On top of all that, I feel like 40 is forgetting that I still get to do 39 here in a month or so.

I just finished a sermon series on fighting temptation. You can check out the series at http://www.lifelinecc.com if you like. The last part of that series dealt with the sin of giving up. Satan told Jesus that he would just give him all the kingdoms of the world if He would just bow down and worship him. While listening and critiquing my own sermon, I realized what a temptation this has become in my own life. I am being bombarded with thoughts of giving up . . . not necessarily on God, just on the fight. Let me explain.

Satan offered Jesus victory without a fight. No cross, no self-denial, just ease. I believe the majority of today’s Christians have bought in to the lie that we can have the world as well as the promise of Heaven. It is nearly impossible to tell the difference between a Christian and a non-Christian in everyday living. I see Christian teachers that NEVER leave their seat. I see Christian workers do as little as possible at work. Christian students seem to have no interest in setting a new standard for excellence in the classroom. Basically, Christians make no effort to pursue excellence and separate themselves from worldly people. Christians, especially in the U.S., want maximum reward for minimum effort, just like everyone else. There are many Christians who NEVER talk about their faith with other people. They believe they are simply “good to go”, therefore let’s just kick back, enjoy church, and wait on the rapture. In the meantime, Muslims militantly prepare and arm the next generation to carry on their faith. Many Christians have succumbed to the last temptation.

My greatest temptation right now is to just quit fighting. I mean, why should I keep trying to win students who really don’t want to be there and really couldn’t care less? How many times do I have to endure a lazy kid’s mama blasting me and threatening to “have my job” if I don’t just basically give him or her a good grade? How dare I teach responsibility! Is it really a fight worth fighting?

I think it is.

Even as much as I love teaching and preaching the Word of God, it is a fight. Why should I keep on studying? Why should I keep on asking God for fresh revelation and fresh insight? I mean, does the world really need another preacher? Does the world really need another WMD?

I think it does.

My life was changed over the course of time through solid preachers who taught the Word of God and lived the very life it teaches. When I saw them live a Godly life and saw the results of living this way, I wanted to live it myself. Their lives were proof that it could be done. There was something in them that nobody else had that I wanted. Occasionally, people will tell me that they are growing in the Lord because He is speaking through WMD or through the teachings at Lifeline Community Church. No wonder the devil simply wants me to stop. No wonder he wants me to say “Hey, I’m saved, why not just enjoy hanging out with other church people and wait to go to Heaven.” This would render me ineffective, exactly what the enemy wants.

Where are you? Are you fighting? Are you winning? Do you have a burning desire to win the lost? Do you have a desire to work like you are working for Him no matter what it is that you do?

As I write this, my appetite for Him increases. I realize that I have missed Him.

I love Him.

Don’t people fight for those they love?

If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. — Mark 13:36

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” — Isaiah 6:8

Later

Adam

Is it My Turn Now?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. — Romans 8:28

So I walk into Hardees to buy some chicken for my two young ones. When I get there, there’s already a dude standing in line. He’s standing pretty far to the left of the registers so I figure he is already waiting for his food. Well, the cashier walks over to me and asks me for my order. I order, then go sit down and wait. I hear the cashier ask the dude in front of me what he would like. That’s when I hear very loudly (so I could hear) “Oh, is it my turn now?” One disgusted glance later, I realize what had happened. This guy was in line. He was patiently waiting his turn. He got passed by.

I sat there and thought for a bit about my life. How many times have I felt like God wasn’t being fair to me? How many times have I felt like He was putting someone less deserving before me? “I’m the next in line, God!” Yes, I have felt like God was that particular cashier many times.

I guess it all started in college. I hated watching others leave high school and get a decent paying job. It seemed that they could go buy all kinds of cool stuff and there I was sitting in a college classroom. It honestly felt like I was being ripped off at the time. I probably didn’t complain too much about this because at least I could see the light at the end of that tunnel. Then, I started watching my friends in our early twenties get married, yet I didn’t even have a serious girlfriend. I tried to act cool about it, but I was really thinking “when will it be my turn?” I never gave God a disgusted glance, but He knew that I owned a heart that didn’t fully trust Him.

Then, came the biggie. When Tonya and I decided it was time to have children, I found out making healthy babies wasn’t nearly as easy as I thought it would be. When Tonya first got pregnant, I thought it was finally “my turn.” One miscarriage later, I gave God that disgusted glance, but I let it slide (I’m sure He was intimidated) The next pregnancy came pretty quickly. I felt once again like it was finally my turn. Another miscarriage later, my attitude toward God went sour. I watched teenagers become pregnant left and right, saw my friends with their children, and honestly felt like the guy standing in line in front of me at Hardees. The only difference was, I had to keep watching people get “served” behind me. All this made me pretty angry at the God who at the time was “The Big Cashier in the sky.” He was there to serve me and was doing a terrible job.

It is amazing how two little babies that never made it here can teach a man probably the greatest lesson he has ever learned in this life. I know now why He allowed others to pass me in line. He knew that all of this would finally drive me to a place of true intimacy with Him. I would finally realize that God doesn’t owe me anything. He is not a genie in the sky waiting for me to rub him correctly so he can grant my wishes. He alone is the prize. These difficult times drove me to Him. I talked to Him, wrote songs to Him, wrote letters to Him, and read His Word more than any other point in my life. I am still amazed that the God of the Universe wants that with each and every person who has become His child through receiving His Son, Jesus Christ.

So, one more journey down memory lane later, my food was ready. I went up to get it, handed the cashier some cash, and asked her to give it to the guy who was in front of me when she brought him his food.

Did he deserve it? No.

Then again, neither did I.

Later

Adam